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A LAND WITHOUT TREES
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--EXCERPT--
KING
Trumpeter
Matthew, your first witness.
[A closeup of the ARCHITECT begins to play on the screen above the stage.
The TRUMPETER, who has seated himself in the downstage left chair during the
arrival of the ARCHITECT, now rises and begins to pace.]
TRUMPETER
State your name, please.
ARCHITECT
Harold
TRUMPETER
[with distaste]
Your full name, please.
ARCHITECT
Harold Wentworth.
TRUMPETER
Occupation?
ARCHITECT
Architect.
TRUMPETER
Do you think, Mr. Wentworth, that you could provide for the court a possible
reason as to why rain leaked into Jester Jack Straw’s cell?
ARCHITECT
Well…it could have happened for any number of reasons.
TRUMPETER
And what might those reasons be?
ARCHITECT
It could have been due to the excessive rainfall we’ve had this year, or perhaps
it was as a result of a weakness in the bonding element used to cement the
stones together. But most likely it’s due to the holes I punched in the ceiling.
TRUMPETER
I see.
[pause]
And were you, or were you not, hired some several years ago to build this
kingdom a prison?
ARCHITECT
I was.
TRUMPETER
And did you successfully complete this prison?
ARCHITECT
Yes, I did.
TRUMPETER
And is this prison we have today?
ARCHITECT
[pause]
No.
TRUMPETER
No? Then what is it we do have? I mean, where do we keep our prisoners? Or,
"in what," should I say?
[long pause]
Let’s cut straight to the point, shall we? You built a dungeon, didn’t you?!
After successfully completing the prison, you converted it into a dungeon.
Yes?
ARCHITECT
[pause]
Yes.
TRUMPETER
And it’s standard practice in the building of a dungeon to punch large holes
in the ceiling, isn’t it?
ARCHITECT
Yes .
TRUMPETER
And so you did.
ARCHITECT
Yes.
TRUMPETER
So, while this kingdom entrusted you with the building of its new castle prison,
you went off on your own, without your superior’s knowledge, I’m sure, and
built a castle dungeon?
ARCHITECT
Yes.
TRUMPETER
And if I’m not mistaken, it costs a considerable amount of money to convert
a prison into a dungeon. Is that correct?
ARCHITECT
Yes, that’s correct.
TRUMPETER
And what are the reasons for the additional costs?
ARCHITECT
Well, for one, as we discussed a moment ago, there’s the wrecking of the ceiling
that needs to be done. As well, I removed some of the floor stones so the
prisoners would twist their ankles in the dark. A few other things… making
sure that the fire is far away from the cells and, of course, the buying of
rats and snakes…
TRUMPETER
And how did you raise all the extra money needed for these adjustments?
[ARCHITECT does not answer.]
Bear in mind that we have several witnesses whom we can call upon to testify
against you if need be.
ARCHITECT
[pause]
Once the dungeon, or prison, or whatever the hell you want to call it, was
open for prisoners, I began pilfering potato spuds from the mess pit and selling
them to the Punics.
ALL
[shock and dismay]
OH!!!
TRUMPETER
[raising his hands in mock exasperation]
No further questions, Your Highness.
KING
Your witness, defense.
[TRUMPETER sits back down in downstage left chair. CONSTABLE rises from downstage
right chair where he has been sitting.]
CONSTABLE
Mr. Wentworth. Why don’t you tell the court a little bit about your childhood?
About the tragic circumstances of your youth which led you to believe that
this kingdom needed a dungeon rather than a prison.
TRUMPETER
[rising]
Objection, Your Highness! Relevance?
KING
Yes, Constable. What is the relevance of such a story?
CONSTABLE
The defense wishes to provide background information for the jury so they
might see exactly the circumstances which led up to the construction of this
dungeon.
KING
Objection overruled for the time being, but please show relevance, Constable.
CONSTABLE
Thank you.
Now Harold, why don’t you please start by telling us a little bit about your
parents?
ARCHITECT
I was born into a very poor peasant family. My father was a ditch digger.
He died when I was only four…
ALL
[a groan of sympathy]
Awww…
ARCHITECT
One day, while out working alone, he fell into the hole he was digging, and
was unable to get out. He suffered a slow starvation.
ALL
Awww…
TRUMPETER
And what about your mother?
ARCHITECT
My poor, poor mother. A collector of fishheads. She…
[The
trial continues, but in mime. A REPORTER rises from the front of the audience.
She speaks into a microphone and appears on the video screen above the stage
in closeup.]
REPORTER ONE
Well, Peter, clearly we’re seeing a desperate defense attorney. Constable
George of Canterbury, fearful that a direct line of defense would not suffice
in the matter of his client’s wrongdoings, has…
ALL
[responding to ARCHITECT’S continued but silent tale of woe.]
Awww…
REPORTER ONE
…opted to try to win the jury’s sympathy with tales of the horrible misfortunes
the defendant suffered. These childhood experiences, argues the defense, made
Harold Wentworth realize…
ALL
Awww…
REPORTER ONE
…the need for a strong kingdom which could defend its peasants from plight,
both without and within. And part of a strong kingdom, says the defense, is
a nasty, foul, dungeon, complete with leaky ceilings. That’s all for now,
Peter, and--back to the trial.
ARCHITECT
[growing more and more emotional]
And while I may have been acting without the knowledge or consent of the king
or the peasants, I was only thinking of my country and my king and his war
against the Punics when I punched those holes in the ceiling, when I built
that dungeon. I always told myself, by God, my parents were struck down in
service to this glorious nation before they ever had a chance to really show
their love and proud allegiance, so I vowed to devote my life to this cause.
And the best way I knew was to build dungeons! Not prisons! DUNGEONS! DUNGEONS!!!
ALL
[a great din of applause]
HURRAH!!!
From "A Land Without Trees," (C) Peter Papadopoulos
To read the entire script, email .
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